I am starting to wonder if the animals in zoos are getting a bit restless? We had an exciting week watching all the news about the Bronx Zoo Cobra, who escaped. I really hope that no one in NY was really worried about that cobra getting out of the building and biting someone. Like that snake wanted to go out in the freezing cold just to bite New Yorker. The only ones that needed to worry were people in the snake house, or maybe the mice. Then again, a zoo probably only have mice for 1 reason, snake snacks. Maybe if it did get out, it could have cleaned up a bit of the rat problem around the city?

Then I see where the Barcelona Zoo had a female wolf jump out of her enclosure. It was 1st said that one of her pups had also escaped but, no one is sure about that. I would think the fact that a pup was with her would have been an important bit of info. Knowing a wolf is loose is bad enough, but I sure wouldn’t want to accidentally step in between her and her baby. I have watch those videos of “when animals attack”.

Can you imagine the workers at the zoo hearing over their radios that a wolf had gotten loose? The zoo was filled with people and even schools on field trips.  Of course the zoo moved everyone into secure areas.

I wonder if I was working there and knew a wolf was prowling around if I would want all the “weaker” people in safe areas? Think about it, if the wolf was mad or hungry, I would not want her coming after me. I’d need to make sure someone was bait. If there was someone maybe smaller and weaker that couldn’t run as fast as me…then the wolf would be kept busy while I got away.

OK! I’m joking! I would never do anything like that. But, a chubby kid can’t run that fast and even if they could, they would run out of breath pretty soon (reminds me that I should quit smoking). I’d say to leave an elderly person but, they are dangerous with their canes and all. Since I have shitty luck, I would decide to leave someone in a wheel chair out of the safe area and the wolf would find us at the top of a hill and my ass would be toast when that wheel chair went speeding past me.

Jack Hanna was on David Letterman the other night and admitted that years ago while working in the Columbus zoo, he lost 2 sea snakes and never found them. I wouldn’t want to be working in their sewer system one day and find them. Then again what self respecting snakes would stay in Ohio? Hell, what self respecting anything would stay in Ohio?

After thinking about all of this, I have decided that I will not be visiting any zoos until they learn how to keep their animals under control. If I do go to the zoo, I will be taking the loud fat neighbor kid with me for escaped animal bait. How many times has this stuff happened and we never even knew? Sure anytime an animal gets out they always say “Oh this has never happened before”. Right its probably happened, they just kept it a secret.

Most of America knows that we are in deep shit. People are out of jobs, houses are being foreclosed at an alarming rate, the public education system sucks…and the list just go on.

Public education is being cut and parents are screaming on Facebook. At least I think that is what they are bitching about. It’s really hard to tell since most of the post are written on a less that 1st grade level.

You can see people bitching in the local super market when they paying $3 for a loaf a bread and their food stamps are almost out by the middle of the month. Those same people are only 60 min of free cell phone time and how do they make party plans everyday with no more cell time? It truly is a shame.

Then we are in more wars than we know what to do. Maybe not that many but, it’s enough that we don’t need to start jumping in on any more! Yet, the government seems to be saying “Hell, what’s one more. We can just get a loan to pay for when the tax money runs out.”

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Americans are mad and they are sick over the fact that so many elected officials have no clue how we feel. In fact, I was one of those that thought all the politicians were unaware of what “We the People” thought. I was wrong…there is a politician that knows Americans are mad as hell and sick of their shit. This same man also knows that we Americans have the power to throw their ass out of office.

Check out this video of Congressman Anthony Weiner at the Congressional Correspondent’s Dinner. It has revived my faith. At least 1 Democrat is trying to prepare for a new job (Stand Up Comedy). Maybe he can take over for Jay Leno since he is already accustomed to getting a job and then loosing it.

Recent headlines have talked about 2 new products being promoted for little girls that are more like pervert magnets than fashion or toys.

So Ambercrombie & Fitch might be known for pushing the line on Sexy but they have turned a corner and now are just creepy.

The company has come out with a padded push up bikini top for girls as young as 8y/o. What parent in their right mind would buy this for their kid?

Let’s see, I would guess that most 8 y/o’s don’t have anything to push up. If they do then you probably need to put them on a diet.

If you allow your kid to wear this then don’t be whining when some perv is staring at your “little girl”. Hello, freaks don’t need encouragement.

If a mother uses the excuse that this bikini top makes her daughter “feel better about herself”. Then that parent has done a shitty job of teaching self-esteem. It’s probably the same mother that has thought she could get by on her looks until they went away, now she has to be “young and attractive” by living vicariously through her child.

We already know that parents are taking their 8 y/o in to get Botox and waxed so, I am sure that these will be some of the same people buying this bikini top.

Thanks to shows like Toddlers in Tiaras we know there are parents that cannot accept a child as they are and I’m afraid that will include giving them fake push up bikinis.

Then they have come out with a doll that is being marketed to little girls where they can learn to breastfeed. Yes, they give them “strap on boobs” . Ok, so it is not really breast or even breast like. It’s like a sports bra with a pink flower where the nipple is. The doll cries and then the little girl can put the doll up to the flower nipple and the freaking doll moves its mouth and makes a suckling sound. I could have put the video of the doll and child on here but it is not appropriate for all viewers.

Look, I breastfed my kids and that doll still creeps me out. And guess what, I never had a doll that “taught” me how to breastfeed and I figured it all out on my own when I was old enough to have kids. It’s not freakin rocket science people.

On the company’s website it says “The Breast Milk Baby will revolutionize our nation’s attitudes to good infant health, while letting little girls share in the wonder and magic of motherhood. The Breast Milk Baby lets young girls express their love and affection in the most natural way possible, just like mommy!”

That is freakin ridiculous. Just wait until the girl goes out and starts shoving everyone’s face into their chest as a way to show affection. That should be a sure fire way to get some attention (and maybe a sexual harassment expulsion).

If they want kids to learn about breastfeeding then why not make a cool toy that reproduces the entire process after conception. Let the kid have swollen ankles, back ache, head ache, mood swings, a boyfriend who leaves, make them fill out welfare papers, then labor begins.

Once the doll is “born” then it should have a timer that goes off every few hours so the doll cries and the “mommy” has to get up and nurse it. Make sure the doll can produce stinky diapers and that the “mommy” needs to budget for more out her measly pay check. Oh, I could go on and on as to how we could make this doll into a real life learning lesson.  Hell, the makers of the doll refer to it as “healthy fun” and most real mothers know that having a baby is not all about fun. So, let’s go ahead and make this as realistic as we can.

Seriously, some people are saying they would get this doll because it teaches their child what breast are really for. Ok, I get that to an extent but, I’ve known lots of little girls that hold a doll to their chest to “nurse” because they have seen their moms do it with younger brothers or sisters. I think they are using something called imagination.

For any one that gets this doll and wants to make a statement to show how progressive you are by taking your little girl to the mall and letting her “nurse”, just know that you are not making a statement but rather turning your child into a freak magnet. Put your status on the back burner and think of your child’s safety first.

Why society has gotten all amped up on little girls breast and being grown up is beyond me. There is a wack around every corner and parents don’t need to offer up their kids perv bait.

What happened to little girls being just that, little girls?