I hate New Years resolutions.

All those people make up shit that they never do. I think they just pick trendy shit & say yes, that’s what I’m going to say also.

Well, this year I have something I am going to do just because. The thing that pisses me off is it is one that everyone always says. I’m going to exercise.

Not because I need to lose much weight, I need to firm up.

Here’s the problem, my friends must not want me to better myself with exercise.

I have been looking on Craigslist for some a used stair stepper.

Why don’t I just buy a new one?

Because I want to keep it on my porch & figure a new one will just get stolen faster.

See, I have a plan……

I figure, I smoke almost a pack of cigarettes a day & I only smoke outside. Each time I go out for a smoke I am out there about 5 minutes.

Now, if I use the stair stepper every time I go out for a smoke that would mean I would get over an hour of exercise a day. I picked a stair stepper because I can’t hold a smoke & use my hands with anything like a rowing or skiing machine.

My friends however tell me I should just stop smoking. I have no plans to do that because then, I would eat more (causing me to gain weight) & if I didn’t smoke then I have no reason to go outside. If I don’t go outside…I don’t use the stair stepper. Sure, I wouldn’t be a smoker…I’d just be a fat ass.

Yeah sure I could just put the stair stepper inside but, then I would have to clean around it like every other fat ass that gets exercise equipment & never uses it.

I guess we will see how it goes. So far I haven’t found much on Craigslist. I’m betting that as soon as people figure out they are not going to exercise in the New Year, they will get tired of cleaning around it & feeling guilty every time they look at it & sell their shit cheap.

Wish me luck!