My fashion tip today is not one you will find in any magazine. In fact it is so hot that I can not show a picture. (Fact is, I didn’t have a camera handy). But while I was out today I saw my neighbor, the fashion diva, sporting this outfit.

So you will have to use your imagination here ladies.

1st You must go get a bikini top (preferably 1 that is about 2 sizes to small & has the strings stretched to the max). Having the bikini straps streached is a safety feature. If you fall in the water you can flip those tits under your armpits & use em like floaties.

2nd Go into the back of your grandmas closet & find a crocheted poncho. This poncho needs to be stitched with very big holes. If you come across a broomstitch knitted one, that will also work. Now put this poncho on over your bikini top. Do not wear any kind of shirt or support.

3rd You MUST have a pair of Lee high wasted jeans, the tighter the better. I believe the high waste comes in handy in case the strings on the bikini fail, you can just tuck your boobs in your pants. Once you have your jeans zipped…you must now grab all that fat & pull it up over the waste of the jeans. You want it to kind of give that “melting ice cream” look.

Shoes…well…any shoes will work but, if you have some sparkly gold high heeled sandals, that would just be the icing on the cake.

I know that some of you are thinking “Damn, I wish I could wear that but, I’m to old or to fat”.

No, no, no you silly trolls. It will look just as fabulous on you as it did my neighbor.
Hell, she walked past people & EVERYONE stopped and stared. So you can be assured that you will catch everyone’s eye wearing this.

Yes, it’s Summertime and ladies are showin off what they got.